


Hate Me

by forgetful01



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-18
Updated: 2012-03-18
Packaged: 2017-11-02 04:16:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/364874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetful01/pseuds/forgetful01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A oneshot dedicated to Gam/Kar. Sadstuck</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hate Me

Hate me today. Hate me tomorrow. Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.

That was it. The Moirallegiance was broken. Gamzee and I were broken apart like a shattered mirror, only leaving a broken image of the one perfect reflection. I had tried to stop it, I really had. Didn't he realize that maybe I needed him too? That it wasn't just him that needed help from me? There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain. An ounce of peace is all I want for him. That's all I wanted.

I wish I could apologize. I wish I could see him again and tell him I was sorry, so sorry, I should have done more, I could have done more, but it wasn't enough. In a sick way I want to thank him for holding my head up late at night. While I was busy waging wars on myself, he was trying to stop the fight of the battle of emotions. The insecurity, the reassurance, it was too much for me to handle for me to take in. I had to be the leader; I had to be the strong one. And the pressure, the responsibility, was too much. I couldn't handle it.

The pace around the room, kicking shadows on the walls for every mistake that I had made. I look over to his unmoving body, the indigo splattered across my hands and my shirt. There had been fear, deception, and rage. Until I saw his golden eyes cry and I held his face in my hands. He was whispering for me to just do it and like an infant, I never was a man. I couldn't own up to what I had to do. He whispered, "How can you do this to me?" I didn't know. The hands around his throat didn't move. My hands. My hands forever stained with the blood of my once best friend, the blood that was higher than mine, the blood that at one time did not matter.

Hate me today. Hate me tomorrow. Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.

I had been scared when I ran from him. The fear was overriding my body more than I could have ever imagined. His voice floated behind me, ranging from whispering to screaming, and I had run. I ran because I was afraid. I ran because I was afraid to see the monster that Gamzee had become. I didn't know what else to do. And then I fell down yelling, "Make it go away". Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be. When he finally caught up to me, I tried to soothe him. The rage was too much for him and we ended up on the floor, my sickles in his hands and slashing this way and that in an attempt to end my life. I fought back. I forced him back, pinned his arms down with my knees and my hands around his throat. The blood from his face and his chest smeared over my hands and my shirt as we had fought.

It was too late. Gamzee had stopped struggling under my grip. His eyes were glazed over and his jaw slightly slacked, the pupils gazing up at me in an empty expression. I picked myself up off of his body, staring down at him. I hadn't saved him at all. I hadn't saved Gamzee and I hadn't saved myself.

"Gamzee?" I lightly papped at his cheek, feeling my eyes watering. "Gamzee, please…" His expression didn't change. There was nothing left in his shell of a body. No life. No soul. No smile. There was nothing left.

Hate me today. Hate me tomorrow. Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.


End file.
